Two Men, Two Pits and a Blog


A grievous day in the Patron of the Pit family, and if we had a flag, it would be at half-mast. Not only have the Vikings lost to the Packers, but as I went out to the pit at half time to prep the grill for some steaks, I noted with great dismay that my beloved WSM Smoker, that in a post prior I  had lamented so fondly of, has gone missing. Foul play hath transpired. Hoodlums, dumb, ill-grounded beasts who tarry on the buttocks of humanity, emerged in the night probably, and dashed away with my favorite grill. No doubt in search of a quick buck, for they surely wouldn’t have known how to run the thing anyways. No, I refuse to believe that they were true men of BBQ, because clearly they didn’t know what they were doing, as they left behind not only the heat shield, but the grill cover too. Nor would a true man of BBQ dishonor another man’s pit by swiping it’s prized piece. Shame on them.

So it’s gone. I guess now I’m kind of glad I didn’t bother to clean it out last time, leaving the 2 gallon water pan brimming full of greasy liquid sludge. And I hope it splashed all over the huge pile of ash in the fire bowl right below it, which I also neglected to clean out. No doubt it made for a crude, mucky mess, reminding them of the vile swamps from whence these vermin emerged. They may have my grill, but they do not have my pity. Part of me kind of wishes they set it up and use it once, and under cook their chicken or something. Part of me want’s to call up Liam Neeson’s character in Taken, and request he uses his considerable skills to go get my grill back. But part of me also knows I need to just let it go. And I am.

I was pleased however, to see the bottom feeders left me my other pit, my humble 18 1/2 inch Weber kettle. Old faithful. They are a dime a dozen I guess in a thief’s eye, and available around almost every corner. So I guess the allure to steal them isn’t that great. And there in lies the beauty, the glorious loop hole in the thievery circuit,  and adds value to the old adage, less is more. For the time tested Weber kettle grill is at once a stalwart, and versatile cooker. They may be plentiful, but with good reason. They work.   So I fire it up now, in a 21 charcoal salute to our fallen pit. 21 charcoals ablaze, and two New York strips steaks quietly sizzling in a smokey homage.

Thus, the tale of two pits continues. Ironically, about the time I was discovering the plight of my smoker this afternoon, my fellow Patron brought home a nice addition to his pit – the optional offset smoker box, lending yet further proof that our grilling mojo is entangled, and we are indeed Brethren of the Flame, and Patrons of the Pit. I just hope he doesn’t buy anything for a while now. It’s my turn.


2 responses

  1. SmokieButGoodie

    Oh no! This is a capital crime! I know this tragedy transpired years ago by now, and I don’t mean to dredge up bad memories for you, but I just read this post and had to share my condolences. Although theft happens all too often, it was still a surprise to read about it, especially after being introduced to your new family member in your earlier post. What is wrong with some people? How do they live with themselves after stealing something without dying of guilt? A used smoker of all things…they must have been desperate hoodlums looking for a way to fund their next fix.

    Was this the smoker featured in your first post, A Tale of Two Pits? The smoker that was welcomed into your home as family, residing next to your Christmas tree, gleefully reflecting the colors of your Christmas lights adding great joy and ambiance to your holiday season?

    You know, it’s kind of funny but earlier, in one of your blog photos I happened to notice heavy-duty chains leading away from your pit, and at the time in the back of my mind I actually wondered the necessity of such a heavy metal link restraining your pit, but I chalked it up to knowing how passionate you are about your cherished pit. But now all is explained. It’s unfortunate we must resort to such measures. I remember what it felt like when my prized bike was stolen in my childhood, or when our family car was stolen off the streets in New York City (where I grew up). So I think I can relate to what you must have felt when you discovered your prized pit was taken. And I laughed when you wrote about calling upon Liam Neeson to employ his considerable skills.

    But I was pleased to see that you immediately bounced back in your usual positive and joyful ways, choosing to see the positive and happier side of life even in negative moments like this. I particularly admired this passage you wrote in closing your post:

    “And there in lies the beauty, the glorious loop hole in the thievery circuit, and adds value to the old adage, less is more… So I fire it up now, in a 21 charcoal salute to our fallen pit. 21 charcoals ablaze, and two New York strips steaks quietly sizzling in a smokey homage.”

    July 16, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    • Ah thank you kindly for your thoughtful condolences, albeit years late. Indeed that stolen pit was the very same featured in a Tale of Two Pits. I loved that mass of enameled steel. That R2D2 like monolith with smoke bellowing out its head. We had bonded. And crude is the soul who thinks he must steal what is not his. Aw well. Sounds like you know what it’s like to be pillaged. Thus the big chain, you are correct! That chain must weigh 80 pounds, if it ain’t 90. It probably won’t stop an ambitious thief, but at least it will make him work for it. But I figure a thief doesn’t like to work for their things, and that’s why they’re a thief.

      The wound has healed tho. The new smoker is bigger and better and no one has taken it yet.

      Anyways, as usual, thanks for the fine comments. I’m enjoying reminiscing back to these old stories right along with you.

      Hope you’re having an exquisite weekend.


      July 17, 2016 at 9:58 am

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