Two Men, Two Pits and a Blog

A Tale of Two Smokes: A Pit Keeper’s Feast/Blackberry Glazed Ham & Pecan Smoked Turkey

It was the best of times…And it was still the best of times…They called me Mr. Two Smokes, cause that’s what I did last weekend. I smoked twice. Once on Thanksgiving day, like any man ought to. And once more the day after, on Black Friday, because, well, why wouldn’t you. And let it be said, because its true, a finer way to pass the holiday respite, than with good, smokey-tinted meat and warm fellowship I do not know. It will gratify the belly and appease the soul. And thus here it is, a tale of two smokes. Of a turkey and a ham, and the seasons first snow fall, patron to the pit.

DAY ONE

Thanksgiving morn found me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before even the rising sun. All the house was silent, as I padded about in my favorite pajamas with the all-important business of turkey on my mind. The turkey, a free-range, never frozen, sixteen pound specimen of a gobbler, resided the night long in my cooler, in a bath of salty and sweet brine for to coax the oft borderline tolerable meat unto better days I suppose. The brine we used was the same formula we’ve been using frequently this fall, and if you want the recipe, you can grab it in this brine post we did a while back. Anyways, I pulled the bird from the brine, pampered it a bit with paper towel and the like, and set in motion a herb/butter paste, that which was rubbed under the skin and over the top of it too, smeared all about with a quasi-reckless abandoned. Cavity piled full of apples and onions and the timeless aromatics better known as rosemary and thyme. Does it get any better folks! And under the dark of night, in an abnormally quiet neighborhood, I lit the coals in the old Weber Smokey Mountain cooker, put the bird on, and with very little fan fare, promptly did what any pit keeper still in his pajamas before sunrise would…I watched a John Wayne movie.

Okay, I admit, “watch” is probably not the operative word to use here,the duke unless, that is,  you wager such still a fashionable verb when your eye lids have sunk like a couple of flat tires, and your head is tilted eighty seven degrees to the starboard, with a rivulet of drool seeping from one’s right lip pit. Classic pit master posture to be sure. But it was one of those delightful naps where part of you was still alert to your surroundings, appreciative of it, whilst the other part of you wallowed at the foot of unconscious rapture. I could still hear The Duke bellowing on the television. Could hear his many fist fights and heady blasts from a shot-gun. And also, off-hand, I could hear myself snoring there, listing comfortably on the couch. Not sure how that happens, but when your smoking a turkey on Thanksgiving Day, you have to put up with such inalienable rigors. I know I did.

The Pandiculation 

Long about when The Duke was engaged in his final bar room brawl, I stirred momentarily under my blanket, stretching there like a fat, spoiled house cat. All was right in the world, or at least my world. I scratched my head, my hair tossed like a bad salad, then unashamedly pandiculated right there on the davenport. Pandiculate. That means to stretch and yawn simultaneously, people.  And every body does it. Men, women, children, elderly folk, donkeys. And especially so pit jockeys early to their game! Anyways, I glanced out the patio door, there to gaze upon the smokey pillars of pecan wood gently curling aloft into a gray, November sky. A sky of which that was all a’flutter with sloppy white snow flakes. It was lovely, and a fine touch towards the ambiance of the day. What a pleasure to awaken from your nap to such a glories anew.

At any rate, we monitored the turkey’s breast temperature until it hit 165 degrees internal, and brought it into the house to rest. And here is how it came out, by and by. The aromas of pecan smoked turkey filled the house at once, and heads turned. I felt like hoisting it high for all the world to see. To lay eyes upon its golden brown carcass and supple leg quarters. It turned out real good. If you’ve never had turkey off the pit for Thanksgiving, you have put off a good thing far too long. Be encouraged, people, and smoke likewise…

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Day Two

The festivities of Thanksgiving lingered into the night, and I slept long the next morning. The season’s first real snow fall had accumulated a few inches in that time, and such seemed poetically right to me. It is good to have snow on Thanksgiving vacation. It just works. And even better still to have ham! You see, this day marked our 3rd Annual Black Friday Ham Smoke. A little tradition we have fashioned out of the swift-ebbing river of time. My but this living. Is there a finer way to bypass the heady throngs of mass consumerism, than with a single wisp of wood smoke off your patent enameled cooker? Nay, this is the course of a wiser man, to hold stalwart at the pit this day, and ply his craft to great effect there, whilst the snowflakes conspire on the lawn and the chickadees flirt amid the patron spruce. Indeed, let the heady throngs of consumerism all jockey for position on the commercial battlefield, we will be just fine here with our elbow room, a good recliner, and a tall glass of something cold to drink. This is our Black Friday Annual Ham smoke, and I nary can wait to get after it once again.

Firstly, after a proper slurp off a manly beverage, we built a good minion bed in the fire bowl of the WSM. It was comprised with plenty of unlit briquettes, lots of lit ones, some hickory wood, and to add a little sport to the day, some unlit chunks of mesquite lump charcoal. It was a nice pile of coal and wood, aptly fit for the day’s initiative, and did us proper for what we wanted to do. Smoke a ham.

Glory be, but what a sight on the old smoker grate, this lovely precooked ham, oh about ten pounds I should wager, and all matter of sexy. We greased it down in a mustard rub first, and then dusted it liberally with Maynard’s Memphis BBQ Rub from our friends over at Miners Mix.  If you haven’t had occasion to try their spice rubs yet,  here is another thing you’ve put off too long. They truly are delicious. Anyways, on with the lid. And on with the smoke. The 2nd smoke in as many days. This is the life!

The Posture of a Pit Keeper

Here then is our privilege as pit keepers; to tarry in our favorite chair, hat tipped up ever so slightly, manly beverage in hand, and simply observe the world gather and spin. This sort of enforced leisure, you might say, to mind the meat, sort of frees up a gent to a great many other important activities in life. Such as: watching clouds form in the sky, admiring tweety birds, catching up on naps, reading more magazines on the toilet, postponing annoying chores, watching football, observing bunny tracks in the snow, and if time allows, to take another nap. All things starkly absent to the consumeristic herds filing through the motorized double doors of Best Buy. Anyways.

Now a ham, or most hams people buy are already cooked, as you know. In point of fact, most are already smoked too. So some of you may be asking a very sincere question here, namely, what in the heck are we doing? Well trust us when we tell you that your average ham can stand to soak up a lot more smokey goodness. It can handle it, and will up the flavor of said ham by about ten fold. Apple wood works great here. Maple is fantastic. Pecan is no slouch either. But we used hickory as mentioned early. Hickory might be the most popular smoke wood in the entire country, probably over used by the BBQ populous, but even so, with good reason. It just works. Works with nearly everything. A little hickory smoked ham coming right up! Well in about three or four hours, anyhow.

Stalking The Black Berry Glaze

Eventually I had to get up. Every pit jockey does eventually. I was kind of in the mood for a glaze this time around, but I wasn’t sure what I had on hand. I thus rummaged through the pantry and fridge, looking for anything to concoct a simple glaze out of. Found some apricot preserves dated back I think, to the last time the Vikings made the playoffs. So its been a while. I cracked the lid, and looked in the jar like any man would. Not sure if that was fuzz I saw down in there, or just peanut butter leftover from some bygone midnight sandwich.  Hmm, onto the next jar. That’s when I came upon a brand new jar of blackberry preserves, and I knew my sweet destiny had just been met.

Into a small sauce pan I compiled:

  • 1/2 cup Blackberry Preserves
  • 1/4 Cup Brown Sugar
  • 1/4 Cup Apple juice
  • 1 Clove of garlic (smashed and minced)

Out at the pit stove, I brought the ingredients to a light boil, stirring gently, and whence the instincts of my inner Julia Child motioned me, I took the pot off the heat, and let it cool back down. Let it thicken up a tad, before I lovingly varnished my dear ham in this sporty nectar! And I cannot express the wondrous aromas floating about the pit right then. Like smokey pork in a candy factory. Man! Glory!

Such is the plight of pit keepers near and far. Just when we think our quarry is done, and the wait is over, we must wait yet again. This time to rest the meat. To let the juices back track unto their most favorable coordinates, and then, and only then, make the beastly pilgrimage into our awaiting gullets. And so concludes today’s culinary essay. And a weekend well spent. And well fed.  And the Tale of Two Smokes, patron to the pit. Amen.

Hickory Smoked Blackberry Glazed Ham sided with home made scallop potatoes and green beans. In a word – YUM!

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16 responses

  1. Oh my gravy all over my two scoops rice (that’s OMG! in my world)! Mahogany Turkey, glistening Ham AND my all time favorite Scalloped Potatoes, man oh man oh MAN!

    December 3, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    • Mercy sakes, you gonna be alright Auntiedoni!!

      December 3, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      • gimme just a minute… yeah, I’m good 😀

        December 3, 2015 at 4:54 pm

  2. The turkey looks amazing. However, the ham pushes it off its podium. Beautiful.

    December 3, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    • Thanks Conor. Yeah, they were both delightful! If I had to pick one over the other, I guess I’m with you, Ill take the ham too.

      Good to hear from you, as always.

      Bless ya, mate!
      PotP

      December 3, 2015 at 3:05 pm

  3. Delicious!

    December 4, 2015 at 1:27 am

  4. Wow. Two days of smoke! I too smoked a turkey. The 12-hour smoke featured oak wood, orange juice in the water pan and a quartered onion in the cavity. The turkey was basted with olive oil and a heavy shake of Chef Ralph’s seasoning. I will not tarry a year to do this again! Perhaps Christmas? 🙂

    December 4, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    • TJ! Outstanding, good sir. Wow, sounds like you knocked that one out of the park. Proud of you, mate. Who knew you were this much the cook!

      Christmas is not too soon for vittles of this kind. Go for it!

      December 4, 2015 at 2:26 pm

  5. I have a love hate relationship with this blog… sighs… I love to read it and see the photos of the scrumptious offerings, but I hate it because I always want to partake and you are so many states away. LOL

    December 5, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    • Well now that’s the heady games we play when we follow food blogs. What can ya do. You’ll just have to go outside and grill yourself up something suitable. Its the only way.

      Anyway, thank you kindly!

      December 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

  6. Thank you for “pandiculation” – a great word – and another great post. Your tales from the pit will keep me warm through my long winter’s (grilling) nap. Cheers.

    December 5, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    • Thank you, Todd. Yeah, I like that word too. I trust you have heartily pandiculated a couple of times at least this week. It’s good for ya!

      Cheers!

      December 6, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      • Thank you once again for a great read, a new word, fantastic photos, and just the inspiration I need to get up for smoking the ham we will be brining up from a half leg of pork in the next two weeks.

        But, you can still keep the snow! I prefer to smoke my Christmas ham in a tank top and swim shorts. God Bless!

        December 8, 2015 at 10:22 am

      • Haha, well thank you, John. I understand! I will enjoy a white Christmas for you then, vicariously. Although, my lawn is green right now. It’s weird. And it ain’t right. We shall hope the Lord favors us with a good dumper before Christmas. It could happen.

        So I take it you’re going to cure your own ham again like you did last year? I still remember that write-up. I quite enjoyed your meat craft that episode. You earned some pit master respect! Very cool. Looking forward to your report this time around too.

        Keep up the good work, mate, and may your pool noodles stay afloat down there. Man, you got it rough….

        December 8, 2015 at 11:27 am

  7. Yes, someone has to do it, so we volunteer! We will be curing and smoking again as good smoked hams and snow are not available here in our little piece of the world.

    December 8, 2015 at 11:58 am

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